September 10, 2008, the day the Love of my life asked me to be his Wife. As I think back over the past year, so much has happened. Within the first hour that we were engaged (after I had stopped crying and come to the FULL realization that I was engaged), we were sitting on a stone bench talking about getting married. When we realized that August was 11 months away we started talking about June, which was only 9 months away. Dad was set on no earlier than August, but apparently he knew that it would come up again and wasn't surprised when we approached him in January about moving up the wedding date.
It's quite funny how you try to look into the future to guess what the following year, or just 6 months are going to look like, but you can never have more of an inclination to what that time may contain for you, because we can't know the future, but God does. I never would have dreamed 12 months ago, that I would be sitting in our living room, having been married for 3 months, and still struggling with having lost our first baby. But if we knew what the future held for us, there would be no fun, no anticipation of what's to come. Because we don't know what the future holds, we need to cling to our Father in every move that we make.
Yesterday the Lord gave me this passage in 2 Corinthians 5:9-10
"Therefore also we have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad."
Along with this passage the Lord reminded me of Proverbs 31:30 today: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised (emphasis added)."
My deepest desire is to be a woman after God's own heart. I want to be living for Him in all that I do. One thing the Lord has shown me is that I need to fear Him, prefer Him. One day I will stand before God and give an account for all of my actions. I don't know when that day will be, but I do know this; it is very easy to become distracted by all that I need to do, even just my daily routine is distracting. Every morning when I awake, although I have an idea of certain things that I will do during the day, I cannot know every thing that will come up, and Satan loves to distract us away from Him who gives us strength for every situation that comes our way. But if I purpose to put Him first, to look to Him first, to always turn to Him in everything that I do, knowing that He is right there, and even if I think I can do something on my own, I still need Him, then although life is never easy, I'll be walking this road with the One who orders my day.
I don't know if any of that makes any sense. It's just all that has been going through my head over the past couple days.